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Madrid City in English
Friday 28th of April 2017
Jeff Wiseman 1303 28th of February 2013 by editor 4th of March 2013
What pride! Photo: flickr, elPadawan
Top Ten: Beware the ides of March

Forget Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. Jeff Wiseman has carefully selected ten “ides” that are not only a danger in March, but throughout the rest of the year too. Beware of the following:

1. Bedside—a view of this frequently means you’ve fallen out of bed. In a worst case scenario, you may find your alarm clock wedged in a very unfortunate place.
2. Countryside—city dwellers should never venture to this, as you end up being irritated by locals and bitten by insects. Or even irritated by insects and bitten by locals.
3. Offside—especially to be avoided when combined with “rule”. If you’re thinking about trying to explain the offside rule to any non-soccer fan, read them Tolstoy’s War and Peace instead; it will be quicker and far less complicated.
4. Pride—comes before a fall, or if you find yourself using the word between “Look there’s a” and “of lions”, then it could be just before you’re devoured for lunch.
5. Spiders—small ones move frighteningly quickly; big ones don’t need to because they can pounce at you.
6. Bridesmaid—do you really want to be in wedding photos wearing a dress that will haunt you for the rest of your days?
7. Cider—a drink specifically designed, if consumed in sufficient quantity, to allow your friends to drag you home by your ankles.
8. Eiderdown—a dangerous, enormous, feather-filled bed cover, which can easily entangle and engulf you, so that you may need the help of the emergency services to escape.
9. Guidebook—a dangerous volume to carry in a foreign city, as it generally poses the invitation “please rob me”.
10. Sideburns—always look ridiculous (especially on women).

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